EARLY MATERNAL TRAUMA
Mothers have immense emotional power over their children…
Diana’s mother birthed a dead baby.
Her mother’s experience haunts her.
Now, at eight months pregnant, Diana lay on her bed, remembering her mother’s depression. Her mother was sad a lot. It was as if she was somewhere else other than with her.
By association, Diana, a wide-eyed, happy child, grew sad herself.
An imprint of that loss was left upon Diana’s developing psyche.
There were “ghosts in the nursery.”
Diana was plagued with worries: Would she understand her baby’s emotions, gestures, and needs?
Her own mother was so preoccupied, leaving Diana without a mirror for her developing needs to see herself.
Diana experienced fears about becoming a mother.
She constantly questioned if she would become like her mother or would she know how to calm a cranky baby?
What kind of mother could she become, considering her own mother’s role model of being neglectful and inconsistently available?
Diana was a proud young woman who channeled energy into her photography.
She recalled images of frozen icicles and snow on fallen trees with white snow owls. It took on new meaning for her as she reflected on the baby moving inside her.
Diana’s curiosity about her professional choice of being an artist stirred in her like a new life.
Diana realized she was on the horizon of new life – not just for the baby, but for herself as well.
Over-exercising was no longer an option. Diana needed to find new ways to play and not be isolated, especially with a newborn.
Her sleepless nights had become too much to bear alone.
She grabbed her cell phone and googled “therapist and motherhood.”
Diana called and left the message, “Please call me back. I need to talk about becoming a new mother. I am so scared I can’t do this.”
That week, Diana came into my office.
She began to rebuild her own pillars of health. Diana took a risk to explore herself. In therapy, she talked and reflected about her own development.
Diana found new language, where there had been no language, to describe the absence and impact of growing up with a depressed mother and the implications for becoming a mom while grieving.
By making the commitment to herself, Diane was also committing to her baby.
Diana’s surrendering to her pain gave way to greater freedom for a new life, figuratively and literally.
She now loves, works, and plays in ways that help her create the life she wants for herself and her family.
Everyone, including you, longs to be loved and have the capability to be loving even though you may not always feel that.
Call me at (703) 356-5829, and we will discuss an evaluation. Once I assess your level of pain and how you are put together emotionally, I will recommend how to move forward with your emotional work in therapy. Together we will rebuild.