One way for a curious mind to develop is through the interaction of the mother/child relationship. In doing so mother is providing what psychoanalysts call mentalization; the capacity to think and to be open. Parents who cannot reflect with understanding on their child’s inner experience, and respond accordingly, deprive their children of a core psychological structure which they need to build a viable sense of self. Children’s early experiences are the building blocks of a healthy psychological foundation.

As a newly minted grandmother, I missed an opportunity to support my then almost 3 year old grandson’s curious mind. We were sitting in his dad’s fancy red jeep going through the park which hosted the Festival of Lights for the Christmas holiday. With my grandson,L, on my lap and PopPop at the wheel the normally green park was turned into a magic land of lights. My grandson’s face was lit up with delight as we slowly drove by the dancing reindeer and the gingerbread houses.

“Wow” “I like those green lights! “OH, look at that!” he said happily as we passed the lighted shaped candy canes and reindeer.

Wow, I replied they are deer!

“No, MomMom they’re just pretend.” L said. I giggled and he giggled. I love how he talks.

Continuing to drive festive lights of dancing geese, fairies, and icicles lit the way through the park. Seemingly out of nowhere L said aloud,

” MomMom where do rocks come from?” Without thought I spontaneous replied, Oh rocks come from God. He immediately replied shaking his head, “No, they don’t come from God.”

L has a curious mind and my comment I recognized immediately upon the words leaving my mouth, did not offer him anything to encourage and support his curious thoughts. I deprive him of helping him think scientifically.

I could easily have said, rocks come from the ground, and are part of the soil like the kinds you love to dig in at home. Anything would have been better than to say they come from God. I am not a scientist and his question threw me off balance and out of my own reverie. Here we are looking at thousands of lights, I’m delighting in just holding him on my lap and loving the things he is saying. I was feeling a tad in awe at this new role of being a Grandmother. What a joy to behold in watching him laugh and discover for the first time a light show. Where did his question come from out of the blue, “where do rocks come from” I do not know other than he likes rocks, collects them when we hike, has a lot of them in the back yard and this question apparently was on his mind. I missed the opportunity to support his scientific interest in the world and I felt badly; hence I am writing as a both a warning to parents and other grandparents to look out for those moments when a child asks a question that seems out of context to where you find yourself. These are golden opportunities to be with a child’s inner experience. Stay out of there way with your own thoughts and feelings and not impinge upon a developing mind. These mis-attunements happen a lot when parents are tired, overly busy, not really listening or lost in their own thoughts; like I was in the park.

Parents have countless opportunities to help a child think, reflect and be curious about the world in which we live. Perhaps all the lights we were driving through and surrounded by in the dark, being held by those who loved him illuminated his own mind to ask the question. Elemental thinking is the first level of curiosity as opposed to my existential thinking of God which is another kind of curiosity. God talk can easily shut not only a child down but can stifle the kind of openness that all spiritual people aspire to.

The tension between what is scientific and what is spiritual needs to be thought about but next time in the presence of my grandchild I am going to do better to follow his scientific thoughts rather than my spiritual/religious mind.

Continuing